Rhonda Begos-Zolecki

Rhonda Begos-Zolecki

Don't Blame The Mailman - Blame Yourself

Everything is on you….




Do you know how long it took me to figure this out? My entire lifetime.


We have a very large group of people who want to blame things on everyone. They want to make it seem as if someone made them feel a certain way. They want to say that “I’m this way because they were that way”. It’s not true. It’s a lie we tell ourselves daily.


Yesterday, I was having a conversation with someone about this very subject. Discussing what motivates people to find that prize factor that they have inside of themselves. I told her that the relationship that people develop with themselves is often times the worst one out of all of the ones that we say are destroying us. How many times a day do we tell ourselves we don’t look right? How many times ladies when we go out do we make sure our makeup is right? Or our clothing looks okay because we want to impress someone else. How many times do we, men and women, talk about how fat we are, or that our arms don’t look right, or we have big feet, or our lips aren’t the right size. Or we say something that no one laughs at and we tell ourselves we don’t have a good sense of humor. So it would only be natural that if we experience a trauma or something in our lives that effects the inner part of who we are – that we would make it that much easier for that part of what happened to be the REASON behind why we feel how we feel. No one ever thinks about how your relationship with YOU effects everything. But it does.


A prime example of how I figured this out is in this story.


For a long time, I complained about the relationships I had with people, whether they were intimate or friendships, or family. I talked a lot about what I didn’t like about those connections, but I was still connected for a long time.


Then I had to sit down and take inventory. Which of these relationship meant the most to me? Which of these relationships are ones that have the potential to grow and have been growing and help not just the other person, but me? Which of these relationships allow me to be Rhonda and where I allow the other people to be who they are? And which of these relationships open the door for conversations that lead to resolution and good things and not more discontent or misconstrued perceptions?


It was really that simple. I realized in doing this that I had far less relationships that were built around the premise of GOOD. And what I realized is, if I was continuing to feel badly about the way I had been treated in those relationships, it wasn’t their fault. It was all mine. I was allowing myself to be in an environment that wasn’t healthy. I had to come to the realization that I no longer had to be mad about what the reality was in those relationships. I just had to REACT to the reality. I had the choose to no longer be in those rooms. Would it be painful to walk away? Yes…but it would give me the space to work on those relationships that had true and realistic potential. Most importantly, it wouldn’t leave ME in a space to continue to do what I mentioned in the beginning – putting myself down, wondering why I’m not liked. It would help me continue to let the relationship with myself grow, KEEPING the door open, but walking through other doors in the process.


I have to tell you that the friendships, the musical connections, the relationship with my son and my friends and family – mainly the one with myself, has improved tremendously, because I’m no longer having to question my own existence, or who I am. I am gaining such a great understanding of what my strengths are, what my weaknesses are – which is great, because that opens the door to knowing my threshold of “pain”, and it helps me appreciate those in my life who get me.


I hold onto how Rob Jeter handled what happened at UWM. He didn’t get angry. He didn’t get back at anyone. He didn’t blame anyone for where he was at. He didn’t scream in discontent. He faced the REALITY, and moved forward and found a new place to be. He was confident and had faith that it would work out. And it most certainly did. He did that. It was up to him. Not UWM to make that change.


That is how I plan to handle situations in my own life, and am happy to say, I am well on my wayJ

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