Rhonda Begos-Zolecki

Rhonda Begos-Zolecki

I Just Know

This past weekend was pretty spectacular. The weekend offered many ups and downs as far as emotions, and many opportunities for growth, past what I thought was possible. It opened the door for self healing and self awareness in many ways, and I could not have done it without God. 

 

Friday, my husband and I had a beautiful dinner at our favorite restaurant, and just very relaxed talked about life and how we met, and dreams and our future. It was peaceful, and just felt right in every way. Every once in a while, I would look at my ring and remember - "That's right, I'm married to him. He's my husband." and I would just smile inside at that reality. 

 

On Saturday, I had one vocal student, who was amazing. We visited my father in law who is moving, not just to a new location, but a new place in life and we laughed a lot. Talked about politics and different things. I looked at the piano in the living room. Mark and I were going to keep that piano so that i could give voice lessons, but then my ex husband reminded me that I had a grand piano sitting in my old house that I hadn't yet moved. So it actually ended up working out better that i get to take my old piano here. And it is beautiful:) We will find the room for it:) 

 

After our visit, Karen Erbach who is doing the video for Aurora Health Care and the Thrive Award event came over and met with both me and Mark. She took some video of us walking our dogs, hanging out, walking in the park being ourselves. And then she took some video of Mark. Karen had asked for me to choose 2 people who I would like to have in the video, and I chose my husband and my friend Lisa. She asked him some questions about me, and I gotta be honest. I know some of the things he said were so amazingly sweet and brought tears to my eyes, but what was really amazing me was when he said "I feel that it's my duty to her to give her a place where she has peace, where she feels safe, and where she is protected. I want to protect her." I want to protect her he said. He didn't say I NEED to protect her, or I HAVE to protect her. He said I want to. And he told her that i deserved to have that kind of life. That warmed my heart in ways that I could never imagine. 

 

Later on that night, we went out to dinner with a very close friend of ours and had a lot of laughter, and then we went to see my very good friend, Donna Woodall, with 4 other musical friends who I've known for years: Ethan Bender, Scott Courier, Bob Monagle and Bill Feldman. The music was amazing. The friendship and the camaraderie was even more special. 

 

Sunday is what offered the most epiphanic experiences. On Sunday morning, I attended the 40 day memorial for my mother in law, Maria Begos, at the Greek Orthodox Church in Milwaukee. I was invited to attend by my brother in law Bill, and I went. The service was one of the most beautiful I have ever been to in my life. At one point after communion, we knelt down as this beautiful choir sang and I just started to cry. Not out of sadness. Out of thankfulness that peace was becoming a part of my life. That I was choosing peace and love as a way to move through and navigate each day. That I could be hardened and angry and I wasn't. I wanted to give back, and I thanked Him over and over and over again. 

 

Later on that day, Mark and I went to a funeral and after dinner for Mark's aunt, Mary Darga. It was beautiful in so many ways - being able to see how loved this amazing woman was, because of the love she gave to others. She was all inclusive, never turning anyone away, not because she was trying to be that way...it is who she was. Afterwards, I had the wonderful opportunity to meet the rest of Mark's family from his mom's side, and they were amazing people. I learned so much about them, and so much about myself....and a lot of why Mark is who he is. It was wonderful. 

 

Some years ago, a Facebook friend of mine Ron Kujawa wrote a blog about the loss of his wife. He mentioned something about how even through that tough time, he didn't really have any proof that God existed, but he just knew. He just knew that God was there, and that he kept holding on to that truth that he chose to believe and I have to think that this brought him through many dark moments. I never forgot that he said this because I use this in my daily walk as much as I can. 

 

There are many things that could take me away from knowing that God exists - so much tragedy and trauma that i see inflicted on others, and my own history, much of which I caused, that could tell me that God doesn't exist. 

 

I chose this weekend despite all of that awful "proof" that I just know he's here. And I have no other reason to say it. I just know. 

 

I just know:) 

 

Peace to you all:)

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