Rhonda Begos-Zolecki

Rhonda Begos-Zolecki

I've Changed My Mind

Last night, I had dinner with a close friend of mine who I don't see very often. But who I have a huge amount of respect for. She is truly the epitome of strength, confidence, trust, and spirituality. She is someone you could talk to all night long. And I think one of the reasons why people are so drawn to her is because of her ability to treat you exactly the same, no matter what you're going through, no matter what mistakes you make. You matter in her world. BUT...if the opportunity arises for her to say "You know what I think you should do?" she will do that. Only if you ask, and only if she truly believes that you're ready to hear the truth. 


One of the things we talked about was the building of self-confidence and where that comes from. We talked about the walls that we build within ourselves, and the inability we often have to break those down. There is a real "us" lying beneath a lot of dirt and debris that we've put in the way of that person coming out. Why? Perhaps you don't like that real person. Perhaps there is no aspect of you that you like. Perhaps you're afraid of embracing your true self. Or maybe all of those things are in play. The real me has been slowly but surely emerging through a lot of things that have taken place over the past few years. Yes...the past few years. Not 10 years ago, but the past few years. It takes a while to get to that point of letting change happen, and being okay with it. 


When I sang, I loved the attention. I loved the gigs. I loved how they made me feel. I loved drinking too. And I loved the looks I would get from guys, and the control that I felt I had to make people feel a certain way. After a few years of doing that, it just didn't feel that way anymore for me. I wasn't feeling really anything when I gigged. Not because it was a bad talent to have, or because I was no longer in "control." It wasn’t because I wasn’t grateful for the opportunities. I just didn't have the need to be in that light. I always looked at music as a part of my life, but not MY LIFE. So when it was time to leave, I was okay with it. Totally okay with it. My mind changed. And I was fine with the fact that it had changed. Through that process, I thought that I was the sweetest most awesome trustworthy person in the world. Well, that's not true. I'm a good friend, and I am very loyal to those I'm close to, but I can be very manipulative and mean at times. I know now how to deal with it, but I know that's me. And because I’m aware of that challenge, it doesn't make me an asshole. IT just makes me aware, and I still love who I am despite that. So I changed my mind and realized that in order for me to be able to effectively deal with challenges I face, I have to be truthful about the challenges I have, and most importantly...I HAVE TO LOVE MYSELF AND LOVE WHO I AM DESPITE THOSE CHALLENGES. Because you see, you can't encourage nor effect someone's positive change with hate. Therefore, if I hate myself, how in God's name can I become better and let my mind be effected by change?


There are people who I know who read this blog. I know they do. And I know there are those who read it who really, REALLY don't like me. I know that there are those who read it who I've hurt in one way or another. Some of those people hate that I'm in a good place. Some are happy that I've found that good place. I know there are some who read this who I've never hurt, but they hate me anyway. And read this because they're looking for the one blog that says "Holy crap, what do I do now?" 


Well - I guess all I can say to those people is, I've changed my mind with you as well. The rhetorical way in which others have not only seen me, but have also conducted their feelings toward me, no longer affects me. To a degree, it brings back memories of times when I could have been better and wasn't. But what it truly does is allow me to always find that better place, and to make sure I'm always staying focused and moving forward. So it doesn't make me feel worse; it actually validates how far I've come, and how far behind many people still remain, and WITH THAT, I still hope that those who choose to just stay stagnant, find a way to get out of that stuck place. I don't wish harm on them. I actually know that once they are confident with themselves and move forward, the less that they'll continue to beat me up! So I pray for movement every single day. 


It is an awesome thing to allow yourself to continue to grow; learn; become more emotionally, spiritually and cognitively independent. Keeping my mind open to learning new things, and meeting new people, and enjoying new experiences, is probably one of the most fulfilling things I've ever done. So I continue every day to think about, what can I learn today that can change my mind? That can change my thinking? And add more to the list of "The top ways in which you can mike your life and the world a better place.” 


Are you going to allow your mind to be changed today? All it takes is for you to say "yep", and then let it happen. 

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