Rhonda Begos-Zolecki

Rhonda Begos-Zolecki

Letting Go and Being Free

Man. Letting go, hey? That sounds so Midwestern - but it's actually pretty accurate for how I feel about letting go. It sounds so final - it sounds so done. But I'm finding, as I learn to do this more every day with more love, how non final it is. How many doors it actually opens. How many hearts in changes, most importantly, yours. 

 

I'm going to be honest - when anyone has ever decided to exit my life due to something I've done, it literally used to tear a hole in my heart. To the point where the harder I tried to make it right, the more I kept screwing things up - not just for the other person or people, but for myself. I know that probably even moreso now, I can notice right away - even if forgiveness is told to me, when it's not authentic. And I find myself continuing to try to make it real...make it authentic. But the only thing that you have the power to make real is your apology, your honest, and the actions you give to show that you've learned something from what you did. 

 

Over the past year, I have had to do a lot of letting go. Of people, of old habits, of anger, of so much. But I think that when you let go of ANYTHING, the person and parts of the person you have to let go of end up being parts of yourself. Whatever you hang onto is not so you can make an impression on someone else; it's so you can feel better, and usually you end up feeling a lot worse. I had to take a step back and ask myself, why it was okay to feel worse about who wasn't biting, rather than those who I've made my amends with, and those who love me despite so much - and who've grown with me, and not against me. I mean people who I've had to apologize to more than once. 

 

I think the thing that brought me to this understanding the most was when my mother in law passed away not very long ago. When I sat with her on the day she decided that she'd had a enough, she kept trying to speak. And at one point, something came out - and I said "Yia Yia, did you say 'I Love You?'" She shook her head "Yes". And I told her I loved her right back. Now....she could have said a billion things in her need to get something out. But what was most important for her to say was "I Love You." Through the issues I put her son through, the mistakes I made in that marriage, she loved me. Don't get me wrong, we both made mistakes, but I'm focusing on mine - and realizing that it's okay. Zoy and I are the best of friends I mean, the best of friends. Others who in my past, I've hurt and who've forgiven me. "I Love You." 

 

So - we've all done something that has hurt someone else. That has hurt us, things we didn't mean to do. We've all taken moments to grow through these moments, and hopefully, have been given that opportunity to make amends. 

 

But if by some chance, someone doesn't forgive you, or even if you think they won't. Still make amends, and then make that relationship matter with yourself. Let it go, walk away, and be free. Keep the door open, but let it go. 

 

I have never in my life time felt more free than I do at this point in my life and I thank God for it. And thank Him for taking me back, time after time after time after time. 

 

Peace Out!

 

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