Rhonda Begos-Zolecki

Rhonda Begos-Zolecki

Life Changes, And So Have I

This is my first post on my official blog page from my website! There are many more to come, as I have learned so much in the past year that has brought me to this point. i am working on my Keynote speech happening in Merriville, IN for the Geminus Corporation in April of 2016. This is a huge opportunity that could not have gotten to me by any other means, except for with faith, with forward thinking, with amazing support, and with God. 

 

There have been so many things that have happened just in the past year, but in the course of 3 years that have brought me to a larger understanding of who I am, and probably always have been. I've learned through following a destiny, not a thought process, that when I allow risk to be taken in my life - even sometimes when everything around me, including people, are tellling me it's not possible, that those things that are meant to be truly do happen. There are a few steps I've had to take to get me to this point, and a lot of listening to people I've had to do to understand that the road to destiny is not clearly marked, and is not paved with gold. There are a lot of potholes, and many distractions - but through this process I've learned not only how to be a better professional, but I've learned to be a better friend, a better mom - just a better person.

 

  1. GET RID OF THE DISTRACTION - I spoke to a young group of men about 6 months ago about how to treat the women in your life, even if they are strangers, with respect. That conversation turned into how everything that they are currently experiencing prevents them from having the necessary tools to make functional decisions. I say "functional" because the word "dysfunctional" has been so rampant in usage, explaining the lives of those who have experienced a ton of trauma. Dysfunction is basically a situation where nothing in your atmosphere is functioning or can function. I explained to these young kids by using a visual in which I had a young man standing at the end of a hallway with a sign that had the word GOAL written on it. I had some kids standing on either side of this hallway, and had one young man walking in the middle of the kids, traveling toward the kid with the word GOAL. Every so often, I have would have one of the young men on either side, tap the kid walking toward goal in the middle, and say something terrible like "you're nose is too big" or "do you want to fight me?". The kid walking toward the goal would stop, and I would then say "by turning around and listening to what someone who will never matter in your life tell you something that is only now a factor because you've made a choice to have it be relevant, has your goal become closer or further away?" The answer obvioulsy was further away. Then I ask "when you turn your head, are you looking at the distraction or your goal?" the answer was the distraction. Then I finally asked "if you let every kid in this hallway tap you on the shoulder and tell you who you are in a way that makes you feel less than a person, and you stop and listen and react, and don't continue to walk toward your goal, will you ever make it there?" The answer was no. One important thing to note is anyone who is a distraction does not have their eyes on a goal either. They are on you. And the more you allow yourself to be distracted by things that don't matter, you not only remove yourself from reaching your goals, you are inadvertently causing someone else not to reach theirs. 
  2. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE - STOP LOOKING FOR DEFINITIONS - We have a habit of not believing our own hearts, or even the hearts of those who have our best interest in theirs. It's very easy for us to believe when others tell us we're stupid, or incapable, or unable to move to another level of thinking of action in our lives. It is very important for us to create the same personal relationship with ourselves, that we want to have with others. We need to have one that is loving, caring, unconditional and full of self sufficiency, not making us addicted to or attached to the need to have someone else or something that we feel is responsible for filling gaps that we are responsible for and capable of filling ourselves. Get to know you first, then other will know you, and you will be more open to loving and knowing others. It's not a demeanor's fault when they make you feel demeaned. It's all up to you to believe it, or not believe it. 
  3. FACE THE TRUTH - OR FACE NOTHING - I have found that there is only one truth. There is no such thing as perception. If there is perception, it is then a lie. There is only what is, and what isn't. For example, we all have circumstances in our lives that have happened by things that we have had no control over...periods of trauma perhaps from our childhood that we did not create nor had any control over responding to. In our adult life, however, those circumstances if not deal  with truthfully, meaning "yes, this happened, however, it is not happening now, and how do I deal with how it's effected me", will wreak havoc in your life. In the same instances, when we haven't dealt with our pasts, that then allows us not to deal with the present or the future. We take that past and can now say "well, I am making bad decisions because of my past." And then we give ourselves free will to continue making bad decisions. When we honestly can look at a situation for what it is...the reality being "YES, this happened in my past, BUT I AM CHOOSING to make bad decisions." then we can delve into the reality of why I AM making those decisions, and change them. When we continue to use perception as our guide, we are truthfully using lies to be guided, which will only lead us to more excuses and more lies. It is only in dealing with the actual truth that you are able to face your problems effectively. 
  4. LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST - Many may find this point selfish. Loving yourself if the most unselfish thing that a person can do. It seems so easy to accomplish - "well just love myself. What can be so hard about that?" The way that love is described, not just from a religious standpoint, but by any standard, involves sacrifice, and it involves work, and unconditional acceptance. It involves loyalty and understanding, faith and perseverance. How can we truly learn to give this to another person, or to even accept it from someone else, if this is something we haven't been able to do for ourselves? When we learn how to accept who we are, not meaning accepting things that DO require change in order for us to be happy, but those things that we have criticized ourselves for - "Too fat, too loud, too angry, made too many mistakes..." and on and on - when we truly learn to accept those things about us, we learn to love so much better, get rid of the anger and the guilt, and most importantly, we learn to accept love. We accept things that are good for us, most likely because we feel deserving of it. We are deserving of our love more than anyone else in the world. 

 

We have been conditioned to sometimes believe that we are who we are, and even if the world around us changes, we never will. Sometimes, and I've heard it myself, you hear others tell you how messed up you are, and how you'll never be anything more than what they see. The absolute truth in these statements lies only in the person saying them to you - and only become a part of your truth, if you allow it to. The actual truth is, when life changes, we can change too. We can become new every single day. 

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