Rhonda Begos-Zolecki

Rhonda Begos-Zolecki

The Best Relationship I've Ever Had

Man what a life. What a process these days have taken, and the tremendous lessons I have learned. It is really something, when I look back on just 8 years ago in 2008 when I was so lost and felt so alone. Then, I look in the mirror now, and I see someone beautiful. Someone worthy. Someone with so much to give the world and to give herself. 

 

My life has been a series of really failed relationships. Ones that were not based on love. Ones that were based on fulfilling loss, and obtaining something that I didn't even know I needed. It was like a drug for me - like momentarily, I didn't feel by myself, but man when those relationships ended, I felt more alone than I did the day before. And now I know why. 

 

I told those men - and those women - than I loved them. I told the how much I cared for them, and begged for them to stay. And they left. They had to. Sometimes, I sabotaged it to make it end. And when they were gone, I left with the one person who I wasn't telling those things to. The one person who I put down daily. The one person who felt the lowest of low. 

 

Me. 

 

The last 8 years have been the most rewarding and opening of my eyes experience I've ever had. There are so many people who are responsible for this. So many. More than I can really even mention in this message. Some people are going to read this, and they're going to be angry. Some will read this and will feel nothing but joy. I only want to focus on where the joy is, and that is all I care about. Some may even leave comments. I won't delete them. Not this time. I will look and them and feel the blessing of life,and thank God that I'm not there anymore. 

 

I love who I am. I love my skin, and my face, and my hair. I love me at my worst. I love me at my best. I am always trying to figure out the why's behind my actions, and where they come from. Man - for the first time, I know who I am. I can be really defensive, and I anger easily - especially when i feel like someone is purposely trying to infiltrate on a life that has potential for good, or one that is on a path toward good. That makes me angrier than anything in this world. Sometimes I snore, and leave things laying around:) I forget stuff all of the time. Lose stuff all of the time. But man, I do my best to keep it together. 

 

HOWEVER - I love helping people. i love it when people ask me questions about my life, and when they want to get it. I love when people feel like they can trust me and share things that are close to their heart. When I mess up, I take full responsibility and I don't blame anything. I may say that something played a role, but I never say "I did it because that thing made me do it." That has been the most amazing growth period in my life. This has helped me learn how to not do it again:) 

 

The best relationship ever - that I've ever had - is the one with myself. The one that I've learned to accept without condition. This is the one that I've longed for, waited for, needed, and when it showed up, the one that I totally recognized. This is the girl I hug daily, the one who I watch movies with and laugh with, the one who I sing with, the one who I spend time with with my son. This girl is amazing. She will give you everything if you let her - but she'll leave you if you do things to make her feel less than what she deserves. The amazing part is, she will always remain receptive to letting you back in, with no questions asked. 

 

I will continue to nurture and give this person all that she deserves, and recognize when she needs help and be the one who lets her know how amazing she is. And I will do all I can to give back and help those who are looking for that person. That one person who can make all of the difference in life. 

 

Themselves. 

 

And to everyone who sees this as a lie - or not true. All I know is, what has come with loving me, and knowing me is knowing who I am, and knowing where my intentions lie, and where my heart is. It doesn't matter what you think. It only matters what I know. And I pray that you find this within yourself and focus more on what could be not true in your own heart, rather than focusing what you think is missing from mine. 

 

Thanks mom for teaching me such valuable and wonderful lessons:) 

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